Revenge by The Cast
by Kyatto no Edo
Summary: Edward, Alphonse, Winry and the gang seek vengeance against all the Mary Sues, the Winry Bashers, and the obsessive fangirls who think Ed is going to marry them! What will happen? NEW: CHAPTER 6 Updated! PARODY
1. Chapter 1

Revenge Part 1

-

Edward: "WHAT IS WRONG WITH THESE PEOPLE!" picks up keyboard and throws it across the room

Alphonse: "What is it Brother?"

Edward: "Look at what these damn kids are doing! They're writing about torturing Winry-"

Alphonse: "No way!"

Edward: "And they're writing stories about characters who don't exist and keep making Mustang and I fall in love with them! At least, I think that's us but I'm not too sure… They have the same names, but sure as hell don't act like us….."

Alphonse: "But why torture Winry? What did she ever do to anyone?"

Edward: "Exactly, nothing. She's just a female character I interact with. Therefore these selfish fangirls hate her. "

Alphonse: "It's not like you're going to appear at their door one day asking to marry them…"

Edward: "Yeah, and I wouldn't be interested in messed up chicks like them anyway. I like girls with brains! Not obsessive fan-brats…"

Alphonse: "Yeah, and even if you were looking for relationship, you'd ask Winry out first, right?"

Edward: "Most likely. She's sweet enough D "

Winry comes in to the room

Winry: "Hey Ed! Hey Al! What're you two talking about?"

Edward: "We're furious at a lot of our fans."

Winry: "Oh, why?"

Alphonse: "Take a look…"

Winry: reads "…..Oh my gosh…."

Edward: "Yeah…"

Winry: "Those stupid selfish brats…"

Alphonse: "That's what we were saying."

Winry: "And who the hell is Crystal Rose the 'Ice Alchemist' "

Edward: "Definitely not in our military…I doubt she even exists."

Winry: "And who's Mina Elric, Ed and Al's 'lost sister'?"

Alphonse: "We don't have a sister…or any other brothers for that matter…"

Winry: "These fans of yours are really obnoxious and dumb."

Ed and Al : "TELL ME ABOUT IT."

Roy and Riza come in

Roy: "I see you three found what some of your fans out in the real world are doing."

Edward: "They're idiots! I would never say 'Who're you calling a microscopic midget1' then turn around and be like 'Oh I love you please bear my children!"

Roy: "See what happens when you're famous? It's just as bad as all these stories going around about us being a couple…"

Ed, Al and Winry: "WHAT!"

Riza: "What the Colonel says is true."

Edward: "That's disgusting! No offense Mustang, but even if I were that way, you're way too old!"

Roy: "None taken :D "

Alphonse: "This is getting out of hand…."

Edward: "Yeah, something must be done."

Roy and Riza: "Whatever you plan on doing, we're in it with you."

Winry: "Yeah, me too ; I don't appreciate being bashed without a good reason."

All: "LET'S DO IT!"

-Find out what happens in chapter 2:D


	2. Revenge Part 2 With the homunculi!

Revenge Part 2-

Hohenheim randomly pops in

Hohenheim: "My name in the anime is Hohenheim of Light not Hohenheim Moonflower! Damn Suethors get it right! I am not a hippie! Augh!-" Hoho is chased away by an angry Envy

Envy: "Yeah! And stop making me a nice person! I AM EVIL. I WANT TO KILL THE FULLMETAL BRAT! I WANT TO KILL HOHENHEIM! AND I WANT TO KILL ANYONE AND ANYTHING THAT GETS IN MY WAY! I CAN NOT, AND WILL NOT LOVE! SO STOP CHASING AFTER ME! " Turns into the Dragon form and continues going after Hohenheim

A bunch of Sins randomly pop in

Greed: "Yes, I am greedy, but I do not rape everything in sight, and I am not a good guy! "

Lust: "My name may be Lust but I'm not a whore!"

Gluttony: "It hard for me to speak full sentences!"

Fuhrer: " I am not a rapist either, and have no heart for humans! "

Anime!Wrath: "I'm an evil brat! It's my job! AND I DO NOT LOVE THAT BASTARD ENVY! "

Sloth: "Why am I so underused in fanfiction? "

Other Sins: "Be grateful!"

Lust: " But most importantly…"

Envy and Lust: " THERE IS NO 8TH SIN! THERE ARE SEVEN OF US FOR A REASON AND WE DON'T TEAM UP WITH ANY MORE HOMUNCULI UNLESS ONE OF US DIES AND NEEDS TO BE REPLACED! "

Fuhrer: "Like Greed!"

Greed: "Hey!"

Gluttony: " Can I eat the Mary Sues then?"

Lust: "Sure, the next one we find you may eat…"

Gluttony: chuckles happily

Meanwhile Ed and the others are plotting the destruction of the first Sue they found

Edward: "Okay Ruri Sato! Prepare to meet your maker! Winry, if you please?"

Roy chains Ruri up and forces her to pay attention

Winry: "First off, your name is just plain stupid! Amestris isn't your Japan! Second, you're too perfect for this or any other universe! Third, you're too ugly for anyone to love! Fourth, Amestris doesn't really believe in angels, therefore you must be some burned off piece of matter from the sun and we must return you from where you came…. "

Ed and Heiderich (who came through the Gate at Edward's request) tie Ruri up to a powerful rocket and blast her towards the sun where she bursts into flames

Soon they come across another Sue

Edward: "So Kohaku Hananotsuki, you really want to be a moonflower?"

The Sue muffles into the gag and squirms in her binds

Edward: " Okay then :D "

He and Heiderich launch her to the moon and everyone cheers

Edward: "That's for screwing with my father's character stupid Sue! "

Meanwhile Winry is getting her revenge on all the Winry Bashers by chaining them all up and using her mad wrench skills to bash their skulls in repeatedly until they wither but not quite die. It would be too much of a hassle for hell if they died

Roy is taking care of flaming all the Mary Sues claiming to be his sister, his long lost lover, someone in the military he secretly loved, etc. They all seemed to burn up quite nicely in his humble opinion

Riza has all the Sues who claim to be one of her relatives or a long lost friend who is Roy or Havoc's 'secret lover' lined up for target practice. Her aim is getting really good with many blasts to the head.

Ed and Al have lined up all the Mary Sue authors who either had Ed and Al hate each other, ignore each other, or have Al not even be in the fic just so their stupid Mary Sues had more time to be all lovey with Ed. Ed takes Al's head, aims it at them, and bowls. They all explode.

Edward: "STRIKE:D "

Alphonse: "Good job Brother!"

The gang regroups

Edward: "Okay next up, all the Mary Sue homunculi! "

Find out how that goes in chapter 3 coming soon!


	3. Chapter 3 Sodomy?

Chapter 3

-

Homunculi

-

--Edward is in the middle of an intense battle with Lust and Envy, suddenly there is a huge beam of light and more Homunculi appear. --

Edward: "What the-WTF!"

Lust: -looks around- "The hell...?"

Envy: "Oh hell no..."

--Really ungodly dead-on gorgeous female homunculus with long 'Raven' hair and 'sparkling violet eyes with specks of gold, gray, and blue', with a rather large bosom and perfect figure. Clad in none other than a black corsette, black miniskirt, thigh high boots, and long black gloves with the Oroborus on her cheek.-

New!Sin: "Fear not Lust and Envy! It is obvious you both are much too weak and helpless to defeat a fifteen year-old boy on your own! Allow me to assist!"

Envy: -blinks- "And just who do you think you are?"

New!Sin: "I am the almighty powerful Depression!"

Edward, Envy, and Lust: "...Depression?"

Edward: "Is that even a Sin?"

Lust: "Don't think so..."

Envy: -smacks Ed on the shoulder hard- "If depression were a Sin you would've gone to hell a long time ago Pipsqueak."

Depression: "Shut up and let me be powerful! Better yet, I'll just get my homunculi sisters to join us!"

Ed, Envy, and Lust: "...Sisters? You mean there's MORE of you?..."

Depression: "Come Sorrow, Hate, Dyslexia, and Revenge!"

Edward: "DYSLEXIA?"

Lust: "Whoever created them seems to have run out of decent names..."

Envy: "That's insulting, dyslexia shouldn't be here portrayed like that..."

Dyslexia: ----Really pretty just like Depression except her hair is silver, wears large owlish glasses, and her Oroborus is on her stomach---- "ingfight si wrgno..."

Depression: "Just ignore her, she's the stupid one."

Author: "HOLD IT!"

---Everyone looks up---

Author: " I will not tolerate you making fun of disabilities! As punishment for you Mary-Sue homunculi, why don't I bring out MY Sin?"

Edward: "Oh crap...Look at what you guys did now..."

Sue!Sins: "Huh?"

Author: "Come out...Sodomy!"

Envy: "This has to be a jest, there's no way..."

----'POOF' A male homunculus appears with long black hair tied in a ponytail, intriguing slim violet eyes, and a devilish smirk. He's wearing a black choker attatched to a torn leash, a tight open fake-leather vest that shows most of his chest and stomach, low-cut black leather pants with the buttocks area cut out showing the black thong he wears underneath it, spiked-heeled black boots, short black fingerless gloves, and his Oroborus located on his tailbone, barely noticable because of his pants.----

Envy and Lust: "HOLY CRAP!"

Author: "Told you I was serious!" --goes back to doing Author-type things--

Sodomy: -voice very suave and sexy- "Fear not my loves for I have entered!"

Edward: -coughs-

Sodomy: "Do not worry Little-Edo, when I'm done here we can do as we please in the closet!"

Edward: "I never said anything about that!" ---fumes---

Sue!Sins: ---Damn near speechless--- "Compared to our crap...That's pretty damn original...even though it's creepy..."

Sue!Sin!Authors: "Maybe we should think twice before making up homunculi without doing a bit of research first..."

Sodomy: ---standing behind Edward feeling him up from head to toe with a firm grip on his buttocks---

Edward: ---blushing like a mad fool trying to get him to stop---

Lust and Envy: "..."

Lust: "I'm out of here..." ---walks away towards a door that randomly appears out of nowhere---

Envy: "Me too!" ---shapeshifts into raven and flies beside her---

Sue!Sins: "Take us with you!"

Sue!Sin!Authors: ---eyes burning--- "Make it stop! OW!"

Sodomy: ---pulling Ed's pants down---

Edward: "PG-13 rating! PG-13 rating!" --blush-blush--

Sodomy: --pouts-- "Awwww...but I was sooo looking forward to actually living up to my name..."

Edward: ---looks around--- "Off camera perhaps..."

Winry: "Oh no you don't! The Author keeps you in a cage for a reason!" --grabs Sodomy by the ear and drags him back to the Pit where his cage is--

Edward: "Thanks Winry!" ---looks around and notices the Sue!Sins have long since dissappeared and he's all alone---

Voices: "We are the new homunculi here to get you and Envy while you sleeeeeep...Whoooo"

Edward: "AAAAAAAH!"

---Edward wakes up at the table where he, Al, Winry, Roy, Riza, and the Sins are plotting against Mary Sue homunculi.---

Roy: "Sleep well?"

Edward: "..."

Alphonse: "Sounds like you had a scary dream, Brother. "

Edward: "Well, let's just say I'm hoping none of the ones we have to maim are named 'Sodomy'."

Everyone (especially the males): "Yeeesh..."

------

Next Chapter will cover something else once I think of it XD

((Note: Again, this is not how I normally write. This account is in fact one I made just for my random senseless boredom fanfics and parody fics like this one. Most of my 'real' fiction is on the AFF site due to its mature content. The Author popping in and everything in script format is just parodying all these Mary Sue and Winry Bashing fics I've been finding on many sites that are written like this. XD Hope you all have enjoyed so far! And to Authors who feel insulted by this, it's just for laughs! Laugh and the world laughs with you, even if you have to laugh at yourself:D ))


	4. Chapter 4: WTF?

**Revenge By The Cast**

**Chapter 4: WTF?**

-

**Disclaimer:** Again, this fic is PARODY. As in, I'm totally not serious about this nor am I meaning for this to be serious fanfic. I'm basically writing based on what is most commonly complained about in fanfic. I'm not picking on ANY individual and any names mentioned are strictly coincidental. Also I do not own any characters in FullMetal Alchemist.

-

Edward (standing in the white-land void that starts off most fanfic ideas) : "Well, this is a change…."

( - Suddenly, horrid music is blaring through the speakers - )

Edward: "Holy crap! What the hell IS that?" (-looks around-)

Roy (who apparently knows all there is to know about OOC and Mary Sue fanfic) : "I believe that is music, FullMetal. 'Rock Music' to be specific."

Edward: "What the hell is 'Rock Music'?"

Roy: (-shrugs-) "I don't know, music for pet rocks?"

Edward: "You've got to be kidding me…"

Roy: "I wish I was…"

Mary-Sue: "Y helo their roy and Edward!"

Roy and Ed (-look around-) "…What?"

Mary-Sue: "Don't u lyk my music?"

Edward: "Um…What?"

Mary-Sue (getting all emo and pity-me-Sue-tearful) : "Y don't u uderstad me?"

Roy: "I'm sorry, but I don't think he understands people who don't use spellcheck or get a beta to look over their work."

Edward (-cringing-) : "God… this music is irritating…."

Mary-Sue: (-being all emo and shaking Ed-) "Y don't u lyk Blvd of Broken Dreems by Greenday?"

Edward: "…What?" (-looks at Roy-)

Roy: (-using his mad Sue translating skills-) : "It's asking why you don't like the song."

Edward: "Um….because it's lame? And 'Rock Music' won't be invented for at least another fifty years or so?"

Mary-Sue: (-bursts into tears and runs away-) "U all r meen 2 me!"

Al (-walks in, the music vibrates off of his armor making an eerie screeching sound-): "Did I miss something?"

Edward and Roy: "Oh God Al! Back up a bit please!"

Roy (-finds the speaker and torches it with his flame alchemy-)

Edward: "Thank you."

Al: "What WAS that racket?"

Edward: (-shrugging-) : "Something called 'Rock Music'. Apparently the Mary-Sue thing called it "Blvd of Broken Dreems by Greenday."

Al: "You mean like music for pet rocks?"

Edward: "I don't know…"

Roy: "Either way it was pretty awful…"

Edward: "Yes! And this is not the first time it's happened! Lots of these people keep having random weird music appear in our stories!"

Roy: "Are you serious? Is it anything like the God-awful crap we just heard?"

Edward: "WORSE! They play songs from something called an 'Evanescence'. "

Al: "….Ew…."

Roy: "And their lack of spelling is atrocious. I could see stuttering or mumbling a few words, but purposefully speaking as if brains do not exist? Now that's just plain lazy!"

Ed and Al (-nod in agreement-)

-

**Note:** No I'm not saying Rock Music is bad or Green Day and Evanescence are bad bands. However, they do not make sense in FullMetal Alchemist fanfiction. So for them, in their time period, it would be considered "Awful music."


	5. Chapter 5: OOC? Or Out of Control?

_**Revenge By The Cast**_

**Part 5: OOC? You mean "Out of Control"? **

-

**Disclaimer:** This is a Parody. I do not own any character in the FullMetal Alchemist series.

**Note:** Again, I mention, this is a Parody. As in "for fun" and "for humor purposes". Any references to any being, living or dead, fictional or non-fictional are coincidental and most likely unintentional by this author. Mary Sue is used in the form of a Generalization and not as an actual name. However, today's adventure involves the "OOC" versions of canon characters! Enjoy!

**Random Note: **Sorry for the messing around with the format of the story. I do it as I feel like it when I'm writing, and how much messing around with symbols I want to do. LOL. No this is not Netspeak or Script format technically. More like a random Me Parody format.

-

-(The cast is still in the "Whiteland" they were in during the last chapter. Only this time is there is no "Pet Rock" music to disturb them.)-

Edward: "Why are we still here?"

Winry: -shrugs- "I don't know…"

Roy: "This reminds me of a creepy void in Kingdom Hearts 2…"

Edward: -twirls around quickly, transmutes his arm into a blade and aims it at Roy- "What the hell is a 'Kingdom Hearts'? Who are you and what the hell have you done with the Colonel!"

Riza: "Easy Edward, it's him. He's just using his mad Modern Times knowledge skills or whatever the hell those kids talk about nowadays."

Roy (?): " Hello everyone! Isn't today just jolly and good?"

Everyone: "What the hell!"

Edward (?): "Why yes Colonel! Today is simply fabulous!"

OOC!Roy: "Why, who is this stunning man?" –inspects the real Roy, groping his butt-

Roy: "Stop that!"

OOC!Roy: "Ooh la la! Who is this?" –goes over to Riza, grabs her butt and gropes her chest-

Riza: -whips out her gun and aims it at his head- "Come any closer and I will not hesitate to blast your brains out!"

OOC!Roy: "Down girl, we wouldn't want to scare the children now, would we? Such a shame too, you'd look so fine in a miniskirt."

OOC!Ed: -pawing at the real Roy- "Please sir, take me now! I beg of you! Please! I haven't had sex in ages and you're so hot!"

Roy: "What the HELL?" –cringes-

-OOC!Ed performs a lap dance right in front of Roy, brushing his manly bits against his hip and thigh. Roy's face turns green like he's about to hurl, and the real Edward's jaw drops and he re-transmutes his arm back into the blade again. The real Riza still tries to fend off OOC!Roy who's trying to get in her pants. -

OOC!Winry: "Oh EEEeeedwaaaaaaaaard! Teehee!"

-Both the real Ed and Winry whip around. -

OOC!Winry: "Hyuck-hyuck! My, aren't you just the cutest darn thing anyone has ever seen? Hahahah!"

Edward: "The…. HELL?"

OOC!Winry: "La la la!" –runs around bashing herself with her wrench. -

Winry: "Oh dear Lord…."

OOC!Winry: "Oh Ed! I can't stand it! You're just too fine!" –strips out of her outfit and climbs all over the real Ed.-

Edward: "Ew! Get off of me woman!"

OOC!Winry: -bursts into annoying Emo!tears- "Waaaaaaah! Eddy doesn't like me! Waaaaaah!"

-Meanwhile, Alphonse is dealing with his own demented clone. -

OOC!Al: -standing perfectly still, looking rather dead. -

Alphonse: "Um…."

OOC!Al: "I am a tree…. I am a mighty oak…" –still standing still-

Alphonse: "What is your problem?"

OOC!Al: "Shush! No one's supposed to notice me! I'm never supposed to be a main or valid character in the plot!"

Alphonse: "…"

-

What on EARTH? How will the canon cast survive! Will their Out of Character selves be their undoing? Will they manage to destroy them? Find out in the next chapter!


	6. Chapter 6: OOC Continued

_**Revenge By The Cast**_

_**Chapter 6: OOC Continued**_

-

**Disclaimer:** This is just a mere parody. Any names and places mentioned that may actually exist are sheer coincidences. Also I do not own any of the characters in FullMetal Alchemist.

**Author's Note (Answering Questions):**

**Will you please do a segment about all the different icky pairings? Like the people who pair Roy and Ed, Ed and Envy, and even the two Elric Brothers?**

A: No, and I do not intend to. That is one line I'm not willing to cross. It's very easy to start wank online that way. There's no need for a shipwar right now. Just because you don't like a certain pairing doesn't mean other fans feel the same. Personally, I'm rather fond of all the different hetero, yaoi, and yuri pairings.

**What is a Mary Sue?**

_A: (Jacked from Wikipedia)_

_Mary Sue (sometimes shortened to Sue) is a pejorative term for a fictional character who is portrayed in an idealized way and who is generally lacking in any truly noteworthy flaws (or having her flaws romanticized, as is sometimes the case with stories about characters with eating disorders, depression, or other psychological conditions). Characters labeled Mary Sues, as well as the stories they appear in, are generally seen as wish fulfillment fantasies on the part of the author._

_My definition of "Mary Sue" when it comes to FMA fiction is fairly simple. Any original character who takes the spotlight away from the main cast, has special abilities/different race that does not fit in the canon universe, has the male/female characters' genitals in the palm of their hand (has siren-like abilities to make them instantly fall in love with them), can outdo any of the main characters in anything, and just makes people go "WTF?". Such examples for the FMA universe are: Characters who became a State Alchemist before they were twelve or even 18 (I've seen some who became one at 5), are an Ishbalan State Alchemist, have angelic/demonic/magical/psychic abilities, are an 8th Sin, seem to know everything that happened to Ed and Al before meeting them, have a past ten times worse than Ed and Al's, etc. The same also goes for Canon Characters who are heavily bastardized and out of character. As an example, a story where Envy becomes very fluffy and takes the spotlight away from ed and Al, flying on his magic carpet to defeat the bad guys and save the day. That can also be Mary Sue._

**You make fun or original characters! You're mean!**

_A: I didn't tell you to read my fic. You made that choice on your own. _

**Did you really come across original Sins named Hate, Sorrow, Depression, Revenge, and Dyslexia?**

A: I've come across all of those except Dyslexia. But I figured with all the New!Sins being thought up every day it was bound to happen sooner or later. The most common I've seen though are Hate (which actually counts as Wrath), Sorrow, Revenge, Murder, and Anger.

**How many more chapters do you plan on writing, and would you like to use any of my ideas?**

A_: I'll keep writing this as long as there are issues in fanfiction to poke fun at. As for using your ideas, if I like them, sure I'll use them! (But I'll make sure to credit you)._

Hopefully this should clear things up a bit. And now on with the parody!

-

Edward: "Hey guys I have an idea!" 

Roy: "Really Ed? What is it?"

Edward: "You know how I was able to transmute the homunculi by showing them a piece of their original selves? Maybe it'll work the same on these things!"

Alphonse: "It's always worth a shot, Brother!"

Edward: -claps hands and smacks them on OOC!Winry. She wobbles a bit, bright light flashing around her, but nothing happens. -

Roy: "Damn it!"

Riza: "Roy! Try burning them!"

Roy: "I'll try!" –snaps his fingers, setting a flame flying towards OOC!Roy. OOC!Roy snaps his fingers as well, transmuting a wall of flames around himself. -

Winry: "Gah! They're smarter than they look!"

OOC!Roy: "Just because I'm out of character, doesn't mean I'm stupid!"

Riza: "Give me a shot!" –holds up her gun and blasts a round of bullets through OOC!Ed's head. Blood drips down but the wound heals itself. -

Edward: "What the hell ARE these things?"

OOC!Ed: "Quick Out Of Character Characters! Let us transmute ourselves together to become the Super Out of Character!"

-All of the OOCs join hands and a bright light surrounds them. When the light disappears they seem to have molded together like a transformer or a Gundam. –

OOC!Winry: "Attack!"

Roy: "Holy-" –dodges out of the way as a beam of fire is shot at him. -

Alphonse: "Brother! Do something!"

Edward: "I'm trying!" –glances around, then notices an antennae sticking out of the SOOC's rear end. He follows where it's pointing to with his eyes and sees a control room filled with young fangirls on a computer, controlling it with a joystick and giggling like fools. -

Edward: "I think I got it! Roy! Aim your flames at that control room up there!"

Roy: "Gotcha!" –snaps his fingers, sending a blast of fire at the control room. The control room bursts into flames, the fangirls screaming and crying about how Roy didn't love them anymore and how nobody appreciates their talent-filled stories involving drunk parties and OOC characters. -

-The SOOC collapses to the ground and melts into a puddle of goo. -

Winry: "Whoa! I'm glad that's over!"

Alphonse: "Yeah, me too…."

Riza: "Let's just hope we never run into anything like that in canon."

Edward: "So, back to plotting the demise of all those Mary Sues?"

Everyone else: "You bet!"

-

Next up… more Mary Sue destruction! Thanks for reading this parody so far; I hope you're enjoying it!


End file.
